There Was A Creature In My Basement

There was a creature in my basement. I know this because something has taken big bites out of my beautiful acorn squash. The foolish creature was eating all my carefully grown organic squash. I did not plant squash for some strange vegetation varmint to eat. It has tunneled two holes through cement in the basement floor pushing out a couple hundred pounds of sand and gravel. It does not come out in the day time. It makes no noise. It wakes up Jesse (the inside Pyr) at night, and she barks at it. It is too big to be a mouse or rat. Our first attempt at defense is to borrow rat traps from a neighbor, but it easily sprung them. It did not like peanut butter or Swiss cheese on the traps. It lurks in the basement and only came upstairs once when Bob blocked its hole. I know this because I found some strange looking poop in the living room. We think it may be a Pocket Gopher. Bob did some on line research to reach this conclusion. We haven’t see a trace of it for four-days since Bob put rodent poison in its hole. Goodbye, Mr. pocket gopher.